That One Kid - Book Summary (2024)

Discomfort is often a catalyst for growth. On December 23, 2001, a man named Brian attended his first addiction recovery meeting. Though terrified, a man named Kevin encouraged him to enter the room, setting in motion a profound change in Brian's life.

Through recovery, Brian discovered that behaviors are not the core problems; they are the misguided solutions people adopt to avoid confronting deeper issues. Chris, the recovery meeting leader, explained that addiction itself is just a tool used to bury real problems. Recovery involves unearthing these buried issues, facing them head-on, and learning healthier alternatives.

The process helped Brian understand that adults must take responsibility for their actions. Unlike children, who often make excuses, adults have the power to make choices. Brian realized he frequently blamed others for his troubles, but through self-reflection, he learned that when problems arise, he is always partly at fault. By addressing his own behavior, he found he could transform his environment.

Teachers and students often clash daily. If both parties practiced self-reflection before such conflicts, many disagreements could be prevented with a simple apology. Brian holds that school referral forms should first inquire about the adult’s mistakes and how they can improve. Without this adult self-reflection, even well-designed behavior plans will fail.

Kids misbehave for five fundamental reasons: seeking attention, exerting power or control, lacking competence, feeling disconnected from a sense of belonging, and needing better awareness. Understanding these motives allows for addressing and correcting behaviors more effectively. For instance, some children may crave attention or argue to feel powerful, while others struggle with school tasks or try too hard to fit in. Some simply need guidance in channeling their behaviors properly. Keeping these motivations in mind fosters better connections and solutions for children.

Final Summary: "That One Kid" by Brian Mendler is a comprehensive guide for educators focused on changing behaviors, building connections, and creating lasting impacts on challenging students. The book underscores the importance of altering adult behaviors first to influence student actions and emphasizes understanding the hidden problems behind disruptive behaviors. Through personal anecdotes and proven strategies, Mendler offers insight into engaging difficult students, fostering relationships, and making meaningful changes in the classroom and beyond.

10 Specific Actions:

1. Establish Connection: Prioritize building genuine relationships with students. Understand their interests, challenges, and strengths to create a supportive environment.
2. Break Down Lessons: Divide longer lessons into shorter, manageable segments to maintain student focus and engagement, similar to the mini-lessons approach outlined in the book.
3. Use Questions Over Statements: Encourage dialogue and decision-making by asking students questions instead of making statements, thereby promoting autonomy and reducing conflicts.
4. Focus on Leaders: Identify influential students within the group and work to build strong relationships with them to positively impact the behavior of the entire class.
5. Praise with Passion: Ensure that praise is specific, genuine, and enthusiastic to reinforce positive behavior and boost student morale.
6. Address Underlying Issues: Look beyond the behavior to understand the causes such as attention, power, or belonging needs, and address these foundational problems.
7. Implement Behavior Charts: Use individualized behavior charts to track and encourage positive behavior while making adjustments based on each student’s progress.
8. Defuse Power Struggles: Recognize when a power struggle is occurring and employ strategies to defuse it by staying calm and offering choices instead of commands.
9. Reflect and Adapt: Continuously reflect on your actions and strategies. Be willing to make changes to your approach to better meet the needs of your students.
10. Communicate with Parents: Foster open communication and collaboration with parents to create a consistent support system for students both inside and outside the classroom.