The book expertly dissects how excessive closeness and familiarity, while creating emotional security, can actually diminish sexual attraction. Perel explains that desire thrives on elements of mystery and uncertainty, which are often eliminated in the pursuit of intimate connection. She demonstrates how couples can create a healthy balance between these seemingly opposing forces.

Perel introduces the concept of erotic intelligence as a crucial element in sustaining desire. She explores how couples can cultivate this quality by maintaining individual identities, creating psychological space, and embracing the unknown aspects of their partner, even after years together.

The author examines how modern expectations of marriage - combining romantic love, family life, and passionate sex - create unprecedented pressures on couples. She discusses how cultural narratives about relationships affect our intimate lives and offers ways to navigate these challenges.