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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

John Gottman, PhD, Nan Silver

320 Pages
2015

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Harmony/Rodale/Convergent

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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - Summary

Dr. John Gottman presents seven fundamental principles for strengthening marriages, based on decades of research and clinical observation. The guide analyzes behaviors and attitudes that affect marital bonds, offering concrete strategies for building lasting partnerships through scientific analysis of thousands of couples.

Key Themes

1

The Foundation of Friendship

Deep marital satisfaction stems from a strong friendship between partners, characterized by mutual respect, detailed knowledge of each other's worlds, and maintaining emotional connection through daily interactions. This friendship serves as a buffer against inevitable conflicts and creates a positive perspective that helps couples navigate challenges.

2

Emotional Intelligence in Marriage

Successful marriages depend heavily on partners' ability to understand and respond to each other's emotional needs. This includes recognizing bid attempts for connection, showing empathy during discussions, and maintaining a ratio of positive to negative interactions that promotes relationship stability.

3

Conflict Management vs. Resolution

Rather than focusing solely on solving problems, lasting marriages succeed by managing perpetual issues through dialogue, understanding, and acceptance. Couples learn to distinguish between solvable and perpetual problems, addressing each with appropriate strategies while maintaining emotional connection.

FAQ's

While some couples notice improvements within weeks of implementing these strategies, meaningful and lasting change typically requires 3-6 months of consistent practice and commitment from both partners.

Yes, provided both partners are willing to commit to the process. The principles are especially effective when couples begin implementing them before reaching crisis point, but they can also help rebuild severely damaged relationships if both partners are motivated to change.

While optimal results come from both partners' active participation, significant improvements can occur when even one partner begins implementing the principles, often inspiring the other to join in the process through observed positive changes.

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