No, Perel isn't suggesting that intimacy itself diminishes desire, but rather that certain expressions of intimacy can. The book distinguishes between forms of closeness that smother erotic energy and those that enhance it. Perel argues for a more nuanced understanding of intimacy—one that includes space for autonomy, mystery, and surprise alongside emotional connection. The goal is to develop what she calls an "erotic intelligence" that allows couples to navigate between closeness and distance in ways that serve both their needs for security and excitement.

Yes, throughout the book, Perel offers numerous practical insights and exercises for couples seeking to revitalize their erotic connection. Rather than prescribing a one-size-fits-all approach, she encourages couples to explore their own erotic blueprints and develop personalized strategies. These might include creating physical or temporal boundaries around erotic space, cultivating individual interests that enhance one's sense of self, reframing how couples talk about sex, or experimenting with elements of novelty and surprise. The emphasis is on cultivating attitudes and environments that allow desire to flourish naturally rather than forcing it.

Perel devotes significant attention to how parenthood affects eroticism, acknowledging that the transition to parenthood often creates particular challenges for maintaining sexual connection. She discusses how cultural expectations about parenting, especially motherhood, can conflict with maintaining an erotic identity. The book offers perspectives on separating parental and erotic identities, managing time and energy constraints, and addressing the psychological barriers that can arise when partners become parents. Rather than accepting diminished sexuality as an inevitable consequence of parenthood, Perel provides frameworks for integrating parental responsibilities with continued erotic expression.